Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
