Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
