I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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