I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
