I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
