How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
