So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
