i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
