This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
