I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
it's like heaven, but drunker
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
