You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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