so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I need a burrito and a hug.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
