I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
