i was born a porn star she said
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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