I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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