my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
