we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
