Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
