I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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