Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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