We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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