saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
