I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
