i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
