I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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