6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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