shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Randomize
