I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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