oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How does one acquire holy water?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
