dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
