youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
