He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
