I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
