is your mom at the bar?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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