the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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