mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
