I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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