are you still at the devil's house?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
