At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
