Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
