well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
