So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
