i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
