the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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