I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
