grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
