I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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