She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
