Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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