I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
