You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It's official drugs can't kill me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
