come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
