I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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